Trying to Get It Right

We all have those moments after a social gathering where we replay conversations in our heads, wondering how we came across. For me, it’s often the realisation that I’m not the most talkative or outwardly friendly person in the room. I’ve been told I have a “resting b face” that doesn’t exactly scream approachable, and sometimes I worry that people judge me before I even open my mouth. The hard part is, they’re not always wrong. I can be blunt, even unpleasant at times, without meaning to be.

It’s not that I want to be mean. In fact, I wish I were more of a “people person.” I watch others, like Adrian, glide through conversations with ease, making everyone feel seen and valued. Meanwhile, I imagine people leaving the room thinking, “He’s so nice… why is he with her?”

But here’s the thing, trying to get it right socially isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about finding small ways to soften the edges without losing who I am.

Small Shifts That Make a Big Difference

• Start with a smile: Even if I don’t feel chatty, a quick smile when greeting someone changes the tone instantly.
• Ask one genuine question: I don’t need to carry the conversation — just showing interest in one detail about someone else makes me seem more approachable.
• Use light framing: If I’m being direct, I can soften it with a phrase like “I might sound blunt, but…” so people hear my intent, not just my words.
• Offer small kindnesses: Simple things like thanking the host, complimenting someone’s effort, or acknowledging a shared moment go a long way.
• Choose my moments: I don’t have to be “on” all the time. Contributing one thoughtful comment in a group can leave a lasting positive impression.

Why Am I This Way?

The truth is, I don’t always know why I feel so awkward around people. Once I know someone well, I can relax and really be myself, but getting to that point is the hard part. Making friends in the first place, and then trying to keep them liking me, feels like climbing a hill that others seem to walk up effortlessly.

Sometimes I wonder, is it my bipolar that shaped how I interact, or is it simply me being introverted? Maybe it’s both, maybe it’s neither. What I do know is that this is how I am. I try, I put in effort, but sometimes I just don’t succeed. And that’s a hard truth to sit with.

Yet even in that uncertainty, I remind myself that awkward doesn’t mean unworthy. Friendships may take longer to build for me, but when they do, they’re real, deep, and lasting. 

Do You Feel This Way Too?

If you’ve ever felt the same, you’re not alone. We live in a world that expects us to always be friendly, always be happy, always “on form.” We’re expected to welcome every invitation with open arms and glide through small talk as if it’s second nature, but it’s not that easy for us, is it?

Trust us, we want to connect, but it’s just not who we are to be endlessly talkative or effortlessly social. And when we’re pointed out in the crowd or teased for being “so talkative,” it doesn’t feel funny. It feels isolating.

So, if you’ve ever walked away from a gathering feeling misunderstood, know that there are others like you. 

The Bigger Picture

I’m learning that authenticity matters more than performance. People may not remember me as the life of the party, but they will remember the times I showed up with honesty and thoughtfulness, and maybe that’s enough.

So, this is me, still figuring it out, still trying to get it right.